10 Reasons close friends are good for you

According to evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar, we each have 5 people in our lives within our inner circle, people we are closest to. If you have a life partner, they’re almost guaranteed to be part of that inner circle, as is your best friend. Close family members often form part of your inner circle too.

These are the people who know you well, people you can trust and confide in. And the weird thing is, the inner circle almost always remains at 5. If you have a group of close friends then meet your first romantic partner, the partner replaces one of the people previously within the circle.

There are good evolutionary reasons why having close friends is good for you, and of course there are practical reasons too. Here are 10 reasons why we should all nurture our close relationships:

1. Close friends can tell if you’re worried about something and can encourage you to open up. They probably notice something’s out of kilter, even if you’ve yet to acknowledge it. Because they know you well, they can provide valuable emotional support to help you deal with whatever life is throwing at you.
2. They can provide a fresh perspective on your situation. When something goes wrong, it can be tempting to shut down and start ruminating about a problem. If you’re not careful you can start catastrophising about something that is relatively minor. By talking it over with a trustworthy friend, they can suggest alternative points of view and help you to deal with the issue rather than simply worry about it.
3. A good friend will warn you if you’re about to do something risky. Maybe you’ve had a bad day and feel like chucking in your job. Perhaps you’ve had a row with your other half and want to walk away. A supportive friend will empathise with you and will help to calm you down. They’ll point out the drawbacks and risks of knee-jerking to a temporary setback and encourage you to take a deep breath before responding.
4. Close friends support you in your ambitions. They’ll be excited for you and will encourage you to achieve your goals. They’ll be the ones celebrating your successes with you. Equally they’ll stand by you if you screw up and help you get back on track.
5. They’ll be there to provide practical help when you need it. Times like when you’re poorly, or you’re moving house or your car’s off the road. As well as all the emotional support, good friends are there when you need a helping hand, whether that’s pitching up with a hot drink and flask of soup if you’ve had a power cut or dropping you to the airport to so you don’t have to fork out on parking fees.
6. You can totally relax in their presence. You know you’ve got a good friend when you feel utterly comfortable in their presence. When you know it’s OK to walk or sit in companionable silence. When you feel you can let go and just be yourself.
7. If you’ve known them a while, reminiscing over shared memories can be really beneficial. It may well be that you have different perspectives on a difficult past event, and that can often help to put demons to bed. It’s likely you’ve had plenty of fun times with them, too, so if trotting down memory lane invokes fits of giggles, so much the better.
8. Friends are good for your overall physical and mental health. When you socialise you produce feelgood chemicals like oxytocin and endorphins. Oxytocin has a positive impact on your mental health, it lowers stress and anxiety and helps to build trust. Endorphins have a wide range of beneficial effects, too, including reducing stress and anxiety, improving your mood and level of self-esteem. It can also help physically, by providing pain relief, reducing inflammation and supporting your immune system.
9. Having good friends helps to make you feel connected and it can give life meaning. Being close to someone inevitably means there is plenty of common ground, you probably share similar values, attitudes and outlook which helps you to feel part of a community. It’s good to know you’re not alone.
10. Friends can often be a good influence (they can be a bad influence too, of course!) and it’s not unusual for us to see our close friends as role models. This could be something as mundane as a friend recommending an ethical brand of shampoo or it might be that you see them benefitting from taking up salsa dancing and it inspires you to join a class. These influences are often unconscious, but word of mouth recommendations are incredibly powerful.

Finally, my own best friend gave me a fantastic drinks coaster a year or so ago. I really love the message printed on it and it makes me smile every time I see it. The message says: ‘You and I are more than friends, we’re like a really small gang.’

That sums everything up nicely.