Doing more of what you enjoy in order to reduce anxiety

Around 20 years ago, before I became a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, I had some life coaching to help me build my confidence at work. I think I had around 6 sessions and they were incredibly valuable, I still use some of the techniques today.

The process was challenging and made me think about my life in a different way. It had a massive impact, not just on my confidence, but it other aspects of my life. At that time, I was routinely working 50-60 hours a week and was pretty much burnt out.

I remember one particular question the life coach asked me that completely stumped me. She asked, ‘What do you enjoy doing?’

Wow! A simple question for sure. But, do you know what? I couldn’t think of a single thing that I enjoyed doing. I was working for an organisation that I loved, but the huge pressure, the office politics and the long-distance driving all took its toll, so there was no longer any pleasure in the role. I was so wiped out that there was little energy to do anything when I had downtime, other than sleep.

Answering that question completely changed my perspective, and with the life coach’s help, I cut back on my hours (perversely making me more productive at work), started to build some self-care into my life and began to enjoy life outside of work. I made more time for meeting up with friends, having pampering treatments and sometimes just sitting doing nothing. Bliss! Ultimately it led to Mr P and I relocating back to our native Devon.

The most difficult thing was dealing with the guilt of not working every hour possible. Colleagues joked that I’d gone part-time when I started leaving at 5pm, but I pressed on through the discomfort, determined to put into practice the insights I’d gained from the coaching. And because I wasn’t continually pushing myself to work, work, work, the stress chemicals I’d been pumping non-stop began to decline and I was able to relax.

Since then I’ve ensured that, no matter how pressured my work life, I always build in time to do things that give me a buzz. Otherwise, what’s the point?

And I’ve helped many clients in similar situations. Clients who push themselves to the limit and end up stressed and anxious. I work with them helping them to understand that we all have choices in how we spend our time. It’s not always obvious, especially if you have full-time work, a family to care for and a household to run. But, if you find yourself in this situation, remember that there will be slivers of time that you can carve out to make at least a small part of your life more enjoyable.

The first step of course is answering that challenging question: ‘What do you enjoy doing?’ It’s worth taking time out to think about it.

It might be something active like running, swimming or gardening. Perhaps it’s something creative like painting, baking or crafting. It could be something indulgent, like having a massage, going out for a posh meal once a week or having a regular facial. Maybe you enjoy learning, so it could be attending local talks, taking an online course or visiting an exhibition. Or perhaps you’re happier doing something more passive like reading a book, watching a film or listening to podcasts.

It may be some or all of these things. It doesn’t matter what floats your boat, what’s important is that you build some enjoyment into your life.

So what’s to be done?

Step 1: make a list of things you enjoy doing. It’s ideal if you have a mixture of activities that take different amounts of time, say from half an hour to read a chapter of your book, to half a day for a pampering session, to a whole day for an educational or creative workshop.

Step 2: identify regular timeslots in your day, week or month when you can fit some of these activities in. Now, I know if you’re really busy, this will sound impossible, but your wellbeing is as important as everyone else’s, if not more, so be strong and block out some time for you. I remember my life coach saying she felt exhausted listening to how many visitors we had at weekends. With her help I learned to put the word ‘NO’ in my diary on one weekend a month, so I avoided booking any activities that weekend and had time to recharge my batteries.

Step 3: commit to protecting the time you’ve allocated. Think of it like a dental appointment. You wouldn’t not turn up for the dentist, would you? You’ve made a commitment to attend the appointment and you’ll adjust your workload to make sure you get there on time. So, make sure you give yourself that same level of commitment.

Step 4: expect it to feel uncomfortable at first. When we adopt a new habit, it feels strange, and of course there could well be an element of feeling guilty or selfish because you’re prioritising your own needs. The trick is to push through that until the new regime becomes a habit.

Step 5: wallow in it ! Enjoy every moment! You deserve it!

Ultimately, making positive choices around prioritising your own needs is the difference between enduring or enjoying life.