Choosing your direction of travel to overcome anxiety

One of my favourite quotes of all time is from motivational guru, the late Zig Ziglar who said: 'You have made some mistakes, and you may not be where you want to be, but that's got nothing to do with your future.'

It’s so amazingly liberating, to think that no matter what’s happened in the past, we can draw a line in the sand and move towards a new future. I speak from experience. Being a hypnotherapist is my third career. I started off as a computer programmer in the early 1980s, became a senior manager for national animal charities in the mid-90s and in 2008 switched direction again to become a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist.

It's as if I’ve pressed ‘restart’, and that’s enabled me to leave behind all the limitations and pressures that come from working for other people. And also to begin afresh without being bogged down with self-limiting beliefs that often accumulate when you’ve been in the same role for a long time.

But here’s the thing. It wouldn’t have been possible to make a success of my new careers if I had been anchored in the old ones. And to prove the point, my hypnotherapy practice only really took off once I’d given up my day job that acted as a financial safety net in the early years.

I see the same effect in my clients, too. They may be desperate to move on from a failed relationship, but they’re still in love with their ex-partner. They’re likely to be replaying past memories and can’t let go. It’s as if they’re giving out signals to potential new partners that they’re still attached.

Perhaps they want to manage their weight better, but instead of focusing on how to achieve that, they spend their time reminding themselves of all the times they failed in the past.

It may be that they’ve relocated to this beautiful corner of East Devon to make a fresh start and are wondering why they’re not thriving as much as they’d anticipated. The thing is, if they had emotional baggage from their previous location, the chances are they’ve brought it them. All their old fears and anxieties resurface after the initial excitement of the move.

It reminds me of a story a hypnotherapy colleague often tells her clients:

A man has moved into a new area and is walking around the streets to get acquainted with the neighbourhood. He sees an old gardener pruning roses in his front garden.

‘Hi,’ says the man, ‘I’m new to the area. What are the people like around here?’

The old gardener asks, ‘What were they like where you used to live?’

‘Oh, they were awful,’ says the man, ‘Everyone kept themselves to themselves and were a thoroughly miserable bunch.’

‘That’s funny,’ says the gardener, ‘That’s exactly what they’re like around here.’

A while later another newcomer is exploring the neighbourhood and he too comes across the old gardener pruning his roses.

‘Hi,’ says the man, ‘I’m new to the area. What are the people like around here?’

The old gardener asks, ‘What were they like where you used to live?’

‘Oh, they were lovey,’ says the man, ‘Everyone mucked in and helped one another out. They were a joy to be around.’

‘That’s funny,’ says the gardener, ‘That’s exactly what they’re like around here.’

 And it’s true, isn’t it? We take ourselves with us wherever we go. Whether that’s a new job, a new relationship or a new home. If we truly want to make a fresh start, then we have to let go of the stuff that made us unhappy and anxious before. Because if we don’t it will pop up and sabotage our best endeavours to create a new life for ourselves.

So, if we do want to press reset and have that new start, then we really do have to put in some work to replace the unhelpful behaviours that destroyed our peace of mind in the past. Otherwise, our habitual anxiety will undermine our efforts.

As Jon Kabat-Zinn, the American professor credited with bringing mindfulness practices to the West, says in his wonderful book: ‘Wherever You Go, There You are’, ‘To let go means to give up coercing, resisting or struggling in exchange for something more powerful and wholesome…’

And it’s all about direction of travel. If we spend our days ruminating about the past, we’ll never be able to move forward to a bright new future. Continually digging up stuff that should be dead and buried serves no useful purpose.

The only way of successfully moving forward towards an anxiety-free future is to let go of redundant thought patterns that are no longer relevant. Changing how we think so we can starve unwanted and intrusive thoughts of our attention.

There are so many ways of retraining our brains so we can stop repeating destructive thoughts and behaviours. Therapy is one route, whether that’s one-to-one live sessions or via an online course. Meditation and mindfulness are also great ways of soothing an anxious mind. Or taking up a calming activity like Yoga or Tai Chi.

However you achieve it, be sure to get your mind into a future-focused state before you take that leap towards a new beginning. That way you can begin your new life free from the anxiety that kept you stuck in the past.