Whatever we focus on we amplify

Until recently I worked from a wonderfully tranquil therapy room in the seaside town of Sidmouth, just one street away from the beach. One of the occupational hazards of working that close to the sea was the loud cries of the seagulls outside of the therapy room window. It could be quite deafening at times. I remember working with a very anxious client who was disturbed by their noise and was worried that he wouldn’t be able to relax during trance. I assured him all would be well, and indeed it was. He drifted off beautifully when we started the hypnosis part of the session and was surprised when he ‘came to’ at the end.

The reason he was able to tune out the noise of the seagulls was because, while he was relaxing into trance, his focus was entirely on my voice. The birds were being just as noisy, but he simply didn’t notice.

And it’s because there’s a feature of our brains that means we can only focus on one thing at a time. We might think that we’re able to multi-task, but actually what we’re doing is switching our attention from one activity to another.

As a hypnotherapist I tap into this characteristic when I’m working with people with tinnitus or chronic pain. Their tendency is to spend most of their time focusing on the discomfort, and who can blame them? It can be so easy to give in to the nagging noise or throbbing pain and let it control what they can or can’t do. And that’s because they’re focusing on the problem.

I help them to switch their attention towards what they could be doing if they were coping better with their condition. They may decide to try doing something practical, like gardening or getting out and meeting people. They may decide to distract themselves by getting immersed in a book or a TV series. And when they actually do those things, they find that they don’t notice their tinnitus or their pain nearly so much.

The point is, if they’re sitting around thinking about their discomfort it’s going to seem hopeless and overwhelming. If instead they focus on doing something practical or having an uplifting conversation with a friend, it’s going to give them some much needed respite.

I use the same approach when I’m working with people with emotional pain, like anxiety. The chances are, they’re ruminating about something that’s happened in the past, or fretting about something that may or may not happen in the future. Their focus is entirely on some perceived problem. Then, just like with physical pain, the issue will seem much worse when that’s all they’ve been thinking about, than if they’ve been able to direct their thoughts towards something different.

And that’s because, whatever we focus on, we amplify.

If right now, I suggest you focus on your big toes, you’ll become suddenly aware of your big toes. You hadn’t been thinking about them, but you most likely are now, because I drew your attention to them.

You can think of attention like a spotlight pointing towards the stage. You are the lighting technician and it’s up to you where you direct the beam of the spotlight. Do you want it focusing on your problems, illuminating them so you can immerse yourself in them? Or do you want to direct the beam of your attention to more pleasant things? Like how well your children or grandchildren are doing at school, or how well you handled a difficult customer last week, or how much you’re looking forward to going on holiday.

It’s said that 50,000 thoughts enter our heads every day. Some will be positive, some negative and some neutral. We can’t stop those random thoughts, but we can absolutely decide which thoughts we’re going to give our attention to. And exercising this choice in our thoughts is key to getting a better enjoyment of life and reducing anxiety. When you learn to make helpful choices about where you direct your focus, it can be transformative.

If you focus on your partner’s annoying habit of leaving their cup in the sink, it will seem like a major problem. You can instead choose to think about how they de-ice your car in the winter. Notice the difference in your attitude towards them.

If you focus on how untidy your house is, the clutter will seem overwhelming. You can instead choose to visualise what it would look like if it were tidier. Notice the difference in how you treat your living space.

If you focus on how overcommitted you are, it will seem like you’re heading for a meltdown. You can instead choose to imagine what you would do if you had spare time. Notice the difference in where you set your boundaries.

So, the underlying situations are still the same, but you’re experiencing them differently because you’re choosing to focus on positive aspects, rather than immersing yourself in the negative. You are influencing the quality of your life simply by choosing where you shine that spotlight beam.

So, what aspect of your life do you want to amplify? What’s currently working well? And if something’s not working, how would you prefer it to be? It’s so important to make sure that we’re focusing on what we want, rather than what we don’t want, because whatever we focus on ultimately becomes our reality.